My Left Foot

Hi Everybody,

As you may or may not know, due to complications from my head-over-heels “Fall from Grace” at the Hot Crossed Buns book launch party back in February, and the resultant break to my toe, I need to have surgery (Opening Base Wedge Osteotomy) on my left foot.  That being the case, I came up with the following to explain all.

Layman’s interpretation: 

Exposition: When my 2nd toe was broken in the fall, it was a compression break on the knuckle — kinda like running your car into a wall.  You know those crash commercials where the car compacts like a slinky?  That’s sort of what happened to my toe.  It made the knuckle bigger and strangely straighter than before and it now doesn’t play well with the big toe.  If you’ve seen my ugly dancers feet then you know the big toe is kinda at a 45 degree angle.  But the two were happily co-existing and pain free before the fall.  Ah — those were the days. 

Main Event:  Friday, June 4th, is my lucky day.  We start with outpatient surgery at Hoboken University Medical Center.  They’re going to numb some nerve in my leg, give me sleepy drugs, use some kind of tourniquet thingy on my ankle, and do their stuff.  After that, they’re going to cut (I hate this part) into two parts of the 1st metatarsal that runs into the big toe and insert two titanium rods and a bunch of screws (four at the bottom outside and two at the top inside) to create space between the 1st bone and the second bone and thus straighten my big toe and keep it from twisting on top of or behind the 2nd toe.  I believe they may also be removing some of the extra stuff on my big toe buniony area.  I’m a bit foggy about all the minutia, but I think you get the idea.

Epilogue:  The foot will remain numb for about 24-hours (yay — less pain).  I’ll be in a cast and not able to put weight on my foot for at least three weeks, possibly more, depending on how the foot heals.  Once the cast comes off, I get to — oh joy — walk about on crutches and a lovely walking cast (ortho boot).  No clue how long I get to walk in that thing.  And on the last leg of the journey, I will once again don the fun sandal (also called an ortho shoe) that charmed so many at my birthday party.  And who knows, I may even get to set off the airport security alarms when we head out to Chicago for the Crimson Moon Summer Spanktacular at the end of July.  Only time will tell…

Anyway, if you can spare some cheer, white light, reiki, prayers or good vibes on Friday, June 4th, I’d appreciate it as I HATE hospitals and am scared to death to put a foot in one (oops, Freudian slip).  I’ll be practicing some Zen breathing… making fun of everything I can, and repeating as many jokes as I can remember.

Also, I think we may be gearing up to post a Surgery Sale on the Bum Rap site — please check back for more on that next week.

In the meantime, much love, happy spanking, good luck and good night,
T

P.S.   I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell, “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”  Or perhaps just give the next person you see a good smack on the ass (unless, of course, you’re in a non-kink-friendly environment — then it probably wouldn’t be a great